A Most Unlikely Gunner (True)
by NeonZangetsu
Summary: Legends never die. In the end, they change hands, faces, times and places. The world keeps on spinning, and people keep killing. When I was a boy, someone tried to kill me. That day changed my life. It set me on this path...a path I no longer wish to walk. I will fight for my wish. At any cost. I WILL have it. Whatever it takes. Narutoxharem! Chaos abounds! Vote via review!
1. A Most Unlikely Gunner

**A/N: SEVEN THOUSAND WORDS FOR YOU ALL!**

**(EDIT) So as of this...this is getting no support. At all.**

**Nearly no reviews. After I slaved away on this. That hurts. Really. Hurts T_T**

**Could someone review A Most Unlikely Shielder? Its so close to one hundred and so is A Most Unlikely Archer...**

**(EDIT!) Rangle, if you're going to bash me and then block your Private Messages, how am I supposed to answer you? How is anyone going to respond to you, for that matter?**

**Now, then! Happy Fourth of July to those who celebrated it?**

**Alas, my VACATION amounted to having that day off. That's it. That's all I got. Long story short? I had...words with my boss. Loud words. Strong words. Among other things. I'm a bit nettled about it coming to that, but they finally got the message when I threatened to quit over it. I'm also writing this from my phone, so I do apologize for any errors. Company relies on me too damn much by half, I swear...**

**HOWEVER!**

**I will be having another vacation later in August and that shit's already set; lock, stock, and barrel. Good luck taking that from me~!**

**Which is good, because I'm ready to cry at this point.**

**Now then, someone just HAD to point out that I neglected the Black Faction for a Master!Naruto.**** If you recall, I DID mention in "A Most Unlikely Collection" that there was another Gunner lurking about that we hadn't seen yet. One that Beast hasn't gotten to.**

**I'll say it right now, there will be a Master!Naruto on the Moon. BUT ONLY ONE! I mean, I don't think there should more than that, y'know?**

**That way we can round this off with five separate Master!Naruto's of sorts, though each could easily be a Servant if summoned.**

**Now, then? Are you prepared? For a Grail War unlike any I've yet written?**

**HERE THAR BE MONSTERS!**

_**As ever, this will be gone in two days if folks don't like it.**_

**...I sincerely hope with all my heart and soul that you like it.**

**I mean, it has the two BEST-in my humble opinion-heroines in this one. What's not to like?**

**It just goes to show how a simple event can change one's life.**

**But it doesn't break us, not if we refuse to let it do so.**

**With that, I proudly present (True) Gunner.**

**And one hell of a twist.**

_"Legends never die, kid._

_In the end, they change hands._

_The world keeps on spinning, and people keep walking."_

_~?_

**A Most Unlikely Gunner (True)**

_When I was a boy, someone tried to kill me._

_I don't remember much about that day; after all, I was only eight years old. You get distracted by all sort of things when you're that age. Words make sense, you don't truly understand the consequences behind them. __Not really. Even now, its all a blur to me. Ironic, given that event changed the course of my life forever. __At that age, I really only focused on the old man. He was the one who took me out of that awful orphanage. He gave me a place to live, and money to live ON. It may not seem like much to you, but for a child who scarcely knew any affection, that's everything. __Unfortunately, it also made me vulnerable._

_What little I can recall of that night-of my attacker-consists of scattered sights and sounds:_

_I remember a shadow standing above me. I remember a knife._

_A sharp flash of pain, followed by a scream._

_And he died; because I'd killed him._

_With my bare hands._

_Suppose you could call it more an act of instinct on my part than any real intention to kill, a little boy unwittingly drawing on the chakra of something far greater than himself in a single moment of blind panic. I didn't want to die. I wanted to live. So I attacked. I saw the knife, felt slash cut across my face to scar my cheek. And I buried a crimson claw in his ribs for it._

_It was my first kill; it would not be my last._

_That was the moment my world changed; until that moment I'd been blissfully naive of my blight. Of what I was. Who I was. I was the son of the Yellow Flash. Heir of the Yondaime Hokage. Container of the Kyuubi. It was something of a miracle that the Third managed to stave off the attempts on my life for that long already. Not anymore. Not after that._

_I remember the silence that followed as I sat there with his corpse; frozen with shock, sick with fear. I remember the shouting when an Anbu discovered us. __I remember a man with long white hair wrapping me in a warm blanket before scooping me up in his arms and carrying me out of the apartment. We never went back._

_I remember the shouting that followed when he took me to the Hokage._

_ I'd been targeted by __an assassin, or so I would later learn. A shinobi from Iwa, not some drunken civilian as I would be initially led to believe as a boy. I don't begrudge them the lie; my identity as the Yondaime's son was compromised somehow. Someone had leaked vital information. Killers would come for me in droves now. They needed to get me out of there as soon as possible. _

_And so I was taken away; spirited away out of the village before I even truly understood what was happening._

_Remedial training they called it. A field trip._

_Hrmmph._

_Even then I knew what was going on._

_Strict radio silence, little-to-no communication allowed._

_It wasn't safe for me in Konoha, not anymore. I wasn't strong enough to protect myself. So they had to make me strong. But an eight-year-old doesn't become superhuman overnight. It was a long, grueling process, one that nearly took a decade. I was raised by the beast. Trained by the best. At first it was mostly Jiraiya, taking me places, teaching me the odd jutsu or two. Then came Kakashi, when it became apparent that he wouldn't be able to teach me everything I needed to know on my own. __Even the great Tsunade showed me a thing or two, down the road._

_My "childhood" consisted of being chaperoned__ by a pervert, a SUPER pervert and the queen of gambling herself. What? I never said she was any good. Only that she liked to bet._

_Honestly its a miracle I turned out even remotely sane under their guidance, and with only a few quirks at that. __I wouldn't call them parents. Teachers, certainly. But not parents. They taught me, warned me against right and wrong, but they never quite got around to properly raising me. Kakashi was still broken up over losing his teammates and dad. Jiraiya and Tsunade...well. Perversion and drink can sometimes hold ones demons at bay better than most, but they can never truly bury them._

_But they were all I had._

_They gave me their attention._

_So trained and I learned, and I fought._

_Every day consisted of more of the same, I had jutsu hammered into me until I could barely walk; until I could hammer them back just as hard. Earth. Fire. Wind. Water. Lightning. My affinity was among the former, but they taught me all they knew. Kakashi-when he could be spared from the village-knew a lot. More than I'd ever thought possible. Jiraiya showed me the secrets of being a Sage. And Tsunade-after a long talk and a bad bet-finally got around to teaching me some semblance of her strength technique after she crawled out of her bottle._

_I didn't return to the village until I was nearly seventeen._

_By then it was a different world...and not necessarily a better one._

_The village had been assaulted by Orochimaru I was gone, and while the old man managed to successfully survive, to fight off their attacks, there had been casualties. Of course there were casualties; this was war, and war never changes. _

_Nor were those the only changes I found waiting for me._

_ Sasuke had defected from the village at some point during my absence; betrayed the Leaf to seek power with Orochimaru during the Chunin Exams.I barely remembered the boy from the Academy. I felt nothing for him beyond a vague sense of anger. Other familiar faces had fallen, others had lived. Some even recognized me. My hair was a bit longer, and I resembled Dad more, I suppose. Didn't stick out like a sore thumb anymore, at that. I'd given up on my old colors and gone for the standard shinobi attire instead, mottled dark greens and black over the traditional orange and blue._

_I made it all of three steps into the Hokage's office before the old geezer-really old now-flung a headband and a flak jacket at me._

_There were more words, pats on the back, people clapping me on the shoulders, that sort of thing._

_Only a few minutes back, and I was already being pressed into active service._

_We were at war, I realized. If not, we would soon be in one._

_I smiled for them, but I didn't feel it. Not really._

_I should've been honored. I'd gone straight from an academy student straight to a Chunin. I didn't even get to BE a genin. Tsunade and Jiraiya had recommended me, apparently. Kakashi even put a good word in for me. That lazy bastard. Can you believe it? I should've been overjoyed. The boy I'd been WOULD have been jumping for joy. Instead I only felt...resigned? I'd lived up to everyone's expectations over nearly a decade, and now I had to live up to this. What did Shikamaru call it? Troublesome._

_I want to tell you it was peaceful after that, and for awhile, it was._

_But in those quiet weeks I suffered something of a crisis._

_A conflict, if you will._

_I'd hit a wall._

_To my dismay, I didn't know what to do with peace. I'd spent all this time, all this training, preparing, with no definite goal in mind. I had to be strong. I had to protect myself. Until, quite suddenly, I found I didn't need to be protected. __I was home now._

_Before I realized it, nothing short of an S-Rank shinobi could hurt me._

_There was always room for improvement of course, more training, but there it was. The question._

_What now? What did I want to do with the rest of my life? What was my goal at the end of all this? Did I even have one?_

_I'd learned every manner of jutsu I could get my hands on. Elemental. Taijutsu. Sealing. I'd signed a contract with the Toads and learned all their secrets. Even pestered Guy about the Eight Gates when someone let that slip slip. He didn't reach me it of course, but he did give me a hint, and years down the line, I would eventually use that hint to do what he and Lee had._

_Which brought me back to my main problem, for all my accomplishments, I felt...empty._

_What was I here for? Why did I want to be a shinobi? Moreover, what purpose did it serve? Why had I spent all those years in seclusion if not for this? At first there had been the initial and ever-present dream to become Hokage myself, but that naive wish had been well and truly quashed by the harsh reality of the world. When you were Hokage you had to be responsible, you had to make hard decisions, YOU had to protect your people. There was nothing dreamy about it. All I saw was a relentless, **thankless** job full of paperwork._

_So. What. Did. I. Want?_

_I agonized over it during those long days._

_Until someone approached me in the following week._

_Now, HER, I remembered all too well, if only because she'd simply made herself impossible to forget. She'd always been a loud girl, even back then. Noisy. **Nosy.** Always butting into everyone's business, always gossiping, never afraid to speak her mind, despite the scorn it might earn her. Bright blue eyes and brighter hair, more than mine. She'd fawned over Sasuke like the rest of our class. All the girls had. But Sasuke was long gone and s__he'd grown up in his absence._

_Then again, so had I._

_Now I know what you're thinking; Ino__ didn't make an terribly overt moves when I bumped into her in the market. Our encounter wasn't destined, there were no sparks, no love at first sight, none of that. She just...looked at me. She was surprised at first-they always are-but then that shock turned into curiosity and I knew, I just knew she wasn't going to leave me alone. I had absolutely no say in the matter. She recognized me, she knew me-just as she knew something was wrong with me-and for some reason or other, she made it her mission to look after me._

_I recognized that glint in her eye._

_That look._

_Do you have any idea what its like to have someone look at you?_

_Really, truly look at you?_

_Not as a ward, or someone to be protected, but as an actual person? Why I tolerated her? Was that why let her stay? Why I let her drag me around the village? __In time, I might've felt something for her. Maybe? I'm not sure. There was...something there. A spark. She filled the void I'd unknowing created in myself, talked when I couldn't find the words, prodded me when I would have otherwise remained silent. Was it love, or just lust? I never had the chance to find out. There was never enough time._

_Konoha came under siege again._

_Pain flattened the village._

_And Kakashi died._

_I lost my left eye and Kakashi__ gave me his in his last moments. A final "graduation gift" he called it. I remember him laughing, choking out his last breath as he bled out. I think Ino helped Tsunade transplant it, but I can't quite remember. There was too much going on. I understand why he did it. He was dying. I was half blind. Someone had to stop Pain. I was the best chance. __By that time my chakra reserves were damn-near inhuman, so I scarcely felt the drain. But I did feel the pain. It drove me. Spurred me. For the first time in my life I lost someone. That hurt. That meant something. _

_There were many battles after that. I fought them all. I won them all, somehow._

_I eradicated the first threat, this so-called "Pain" in a blazing tornado of unholy wildfire. And in doing so, I unknowingly damned half the village. Without the Rinnegan, the dead couldn't be brought back to life._

_I suffocated the Akatsuki, choked the very air from their lungs. It doesn't matter how strong you are, how powerful you've become. Tell me, how well does one fight when they can't breathe? Poorly._

_I entombed Sasuke alive in a coffin of jagged earth. All the visual prowess in the world meant nothing when you were skewered by stone stakes. He starved to death._

_I electrocuted Obito and Madara until their hearts exploded under the strain. In the end, I needed only one good hit. One opening. It was enough._

_I drowned Kaguya when she rose from the latter's corpse and sealed her body at the bottom of the sea. No one will find her._

_As for Kabuto, Orochimaru, the undead army and all those white zetsu clones...no. I'll keep that one a secret._

_Gunner, the people began to call me; n__ot for bullets-or even a certain device I developed years down the line-but for the sheer breadth of elemental jutsu I would spit-or-fling-in the course of any given battle. I don't see why I should be called that. I just used whatever was available to me and somehow, the name stuck. I didn't like it. __Still don't._

_And, then, when it was all said and done...just when I thought I'd found something to fight for, to live for, to protect..._

_...she died, too._

_I found her on the battlefield, a sword in her stomach._

_I could recall every moment for you, tell you how pale she was, her short gasps for breath, her hand grabbing mine, clammy fingers curling against my own, even the short conversation we had...but I can't. I don't have it in me to go back to that place. Thinking about it is too fresh. Too raw. Even after all these years. An old wound that never really healed. I still remember her last words._

_"Its not your fault, Naruto." she'd gasped out. "Not your fault. Don't be sad. Don't...mourn me. Find...someone...else. Someone better. Please. Please don't...cry."_

_And then she was gone._

_Ino said that to keep me from blaming myself. I know that. A small, detached part of myself even understood it. I knew her well enough by then to understand how she thought, at least in part. Even dying, her final words weren't for herself, or for her family...but for me. of me. She didn't want me to be broken up about her death. Didn't want me to tear myself apart._

_Not my fault?_

_Not...my fault?!  
_

_OF COURSE IT WAS MY FAULT!_

_Throughout my life I have saved and slain. __But this life...follows you. It curses you. __I may be human on the outside, but I feel like a machine within. I was never raised in a healthy environment, never given the chance to function as anything more. I fought because I have to, because I must, because losing meant death. __All I can do is attack and attack again. Ino might've made me something better, but with her gone, I had nothing left to fall back on, not anymore. Jiraiya became Hokage-very much against his will!-and Tsunade devoted herself to leading a new medical corps. Me?_

_I can only destroy._

_I see the way the villagers look at me now. I was their gun. Their bullet. Hell upon their enemies. Death to their foes. A lie they told themselves to feel better at night. But what happens when we abandon the lie? Chaos. __I was only ever good at fighting. I thought I was helping them. Saving them. __Idiot. __Since then, I have lived and I have let live and t__hey respect my strength to be sure, but they fear me all the more. _

_Humanity fears what they cannot understand._

_And what they cannot understand..._

_...they seek to destroy._

_Why does he still live, they ask? __Why doesn't he grow old? __Why is he still alive after all these years? Why is he still here? __Why. __Why? __Why?! __Why, indeed?_

_I see in their faces and their children's faces and the children of their children. It grows fainter with every year. I outlive them all, wander aimlessly as the era of the shinobi grinds to an inexorable halt and gives way to an age of man; of myth and magic immemorial. It makes way for a more "civilized" age. As if you could call the current era anything but. They're brutes, men and women wearing false smiles. At least we shinobi were honest about it...to an extent. More than these guys._

_Now, I hear tell of a device-a grail!-that can grant any wish. Fulfill any hope, grant any desire. __Perhaps even mine. _

_My wish, you ask?_

_To have my childhood back. __Not this eye, not all these jutsu, or the voices in my head, telling me I've failed them. __To wipe my memories and have a peaceful life. That's all I could ever ask for. Maybe I'll see her again, in that other life. Maybe not. Either way, I want to be relieved of his burden. __I'll do whatever it takes. __If it means ingratiating myself with a clan of psychopath maes and would-be rulers? I'll do it. Summon a Servant? Fight another war? __Even if it means poisoning the whole pack of them in their sleep and stealing their Servants for myself? I'll kill for it, if I have to. __I know I'm strong enough. I'm a jinchuuriki. I've borne worse burdens._

_You call me Gunner, when you know not the meaning behind it._

_I'll gun them all down if it means a second chance._

_I will have my second life._

* * *

_(...0o0o0...)_

* * *

_He chose a graveyard._

In the dead of night, far from the Yggdmillennia castle, away from the other masters and their machinations, the last living shinobi put his plan into motion. He traced the crude circle with bloodied fingers, uncaring for its rough design. On a whim he made it larger than he should have; attempting to make up for his startling lack of quality. Any half-decend magus would've laughed at this. But he was no mage and beauty served no purpose here in this ritual. Most of the mages would've laughed at him for it. He would've laughed at them. Somt

It wasn't a bad plan.

Idly, his eyes flicked to the mark on his hand.

A spiral.

Somewhere deep inside him, he heard a dark chuckle, one he stubbornly suppressed. Of course the fox would find the iron amusing. He wasn't willing to let him die, but in the same vein he was not about laughing at his expense. Well! The bastard fox couldn't keep him from his wish. A rare, rueful smile plucked at his lips.

Some feared him.

Caules and Fiore at least showed him some semblance of respect; the kind one might grant to a beloved relative. They even called him uncle. Good kids. Not pure, but good. He hoped they wouldn't begrudge him for what was to come. It was nothing personal. If their lives could be spared, they would be. If not...

A fleeting tug of his conscience drew a grimace.

No, he steeled his heart, willing himself not to care. Yes. It had to be this way. He didn't care, just as he didn't care what-who!-he summoned in this ritual. Tiamat herself could've appeared and he wouldn't have batted an eyelash. So long as they were strong, he didn't care about their past. That's all it was really. The past. He longed only to escape it, and this Servant would be the key to unlocking that door. If they helped him without any compulsion on his part, great. If not, he'd beat some sense into them.

How little he knew.

Without a catalyst-which he most certainly hadn't bothered to search for-the Grail would randomly select his partner the only way it knew how; by choosing one similar to his mental state. Cold. Calculating. Willing to take obscene risks to reap the rich rewards that lay within. Yes, cold...while silently yearning for something more. And he'd made the circle terribly large. Perhaps that was to blame for what followed. Perhaps not. Regardless, a faint dread seized Naruto and he caught himself hesitating, uncertain of what he was about to unleash.

But only for a moment.

_Right then,_ he growled. _No more stalling._

A mosquito buzzed him and he caught it, crushing it in his fist with an annoyed grimace. Taking a moment to clean his hand on his dark trousers, careful not to further stain his already bloodied white coat. Blasted bloody uniform. Why did those Yggdmillennia bastards where these? Why did he, for that matter? He couldn't wait to rid himself of this ruse. Of this outfit, of...everything. Just a little longer now. Just a little more and he could at last begin, unleash the plan he'd held for decades-centuries!-in the making.

Extending his hand towards the circle he opened his palm again and began to speak the ritual words, adding only a touch of his own flair.

_"I hereby swear." _he intoned solemnly,_ "I will claim victory in this war at any cost. So I swear."_

Stirred by his words the azure glow began to blaze, burning ever brighter. Something had answered. Never known for his restraint, Naruto poured more power into the ritual, opening his palm again as the white blazed red then blue, then a pure and wild white. He dared not shut his eyes against it, even as the as the storm swept in, clear starry skies turning dark as pitch. Rain pelted him through his jacket, but still he stood strong, watching in morbid fascination as the circle before him began to writhe and pulse.

_"I am a weapon." _words poured forth from him of their own volition now, his own anger slipping its leash and eagerly rising to the surface as the Grail hearkened to his call. _"I am destruction. I am he who opens the gate to this world. Open. Open. Open." _He chanted the word three times for good measure._ "My name is Naruto Uzumaki!" _his voice tore out of him in an almost unrecognizable snarl as he ripped free the cloth from his left eye, exposing it for all the world to see._ "I call for death! I call for rebirth! I call for retribution! I call for annihilation!"_

A great gale kicked up, ripping through the cemetery. Torn free from the ground by the raging wind, an upturned grave shot toward his face like an angry anvil. Freed from its confines, his lone Sharingan told him where _not _to be and the whiskered swayed out of the way, all the while howling into the wind. It spat back in the face of his snarl, the fury of a world made manifest. Lightning lashed at him from the heavens above, but a hand clad in golden chakra slapped it aside with a contemptible hiss.

_"Servant! My will creates your body!" _gasping against the pain scorching his arm as much as the heavy rain beating his body, he struggled out the rest of the contract through gritted teeth._ "From this moment on, my life is yours, as yours is mine! If you would heed my summons and share in my triumph, then answer me now! Listen to me, now!"_

The world roared and he roared at it, with it, against it.

_"Now come forth from the circle of binding..._

The light seared through his very soul.

_...guardian of the Heavenly Scales!"_

Cold fury burned the world white.

In that daunting moment the storm fell silent. Were one to see it from afar, they would've witnessed a profound pillar of light piercing the heavens themselves to still the raging hurricane buffeting the land. As if every one of the gods had spent their fury in this one singular moment and now their strength was wasted for naught. Slowly, reluctantly, the raging radiance cleared, gradually giving way to an arcane haze, and the stoic Servant standing within.

A maiden in white; that was Naruto's first thought for her.

Her dark, ebony skin seemed to shimmer in the faint light, hardened muscles blending with smooth, flowing curves. Though she held a sword of many colors at her side, she did not conceal her beauty; if anything hers was only accentuated by the scant articles of clothing she wore. Her threadbare modesty aside, this woman was dangerous. She radiated a cold confidence found in only the most hardened of warriors, made manifest in the way she held herself. She was a warrior, through and through. A conqueror. Even now, he found himself bristling in the face of this new arrival.

The stranger's eyes reluctantly drifted open at some unseen command, exposing a pair of blood red orbs.

Only then did this strange-looking newcomer deign to face the wandering warrior fully.

Her shroud turned with her, nearly gracing the round as she turned toward him.

"My name is Altera," her voice was soft, almost mournful by comparison. "Descendant of the Huns and the God of War's warrior. I am of Saber Class." Planting her blazing blade before her, she laid both hands upon its red hilt and regarded him for a long, piercing moment, as though searching for something. Perhaps she was testing him. Perhaps she was searching for his resolve. Perhaps she simply didn't like him. Regardless of the fact, he didn't move, and thus, neither did she. After what felt like an eternity, the Servant unbent enough to tilt her head.

"I ask of you," she inquired tentatively, "Are you my Master?"

Oh. Right. He was supposed to say something along the lines of:

"I am."

Saber nodded. "Good. I shall be your sword. Point me toward your enemies-

_The world exploded._

Credit where it was due, Altera didn't falter; the harsh _pop _of sound was only just reaching his ears when she moved. In a heartbeat she stood between him and the perceived threat. She protested immediately when he nudged her aside and moved past, but her cry fell on deaf ears.

Naruto swore; because it wasn't a threat at all.

He'd been so focused on his newly summoned Servant that he hadn't noticed the summoning circle; hadn't realized it was still pulling prana and chakra from the air. He hadn't felt it. The Homonculus System took any and all such strain and placed it on the soulless hunks of flesh-don't think about it Naruto, don't allow yourself to feel guilt!-that he'd utterly failed to notice any of it. Until now. There was no storm to herald this unexpected arrival, no whisper, no warning, nothing at all. Of course, that is not to say their arrival went entirely unnoticed either.

If the arrival of Saber was light and ferocity, then this Servant represented ...

"Class, Avenger." a low voice intoned from within the localized inferno.

_...pure, blazing fire._

Thick black smoke wafted over them in as that scorching wave napalm rocketed into the sky. By contrast of Altera's arrival, her bolt of light had come from the heaven itself. This...this came from the earth. As if the whole of the underow had opened up and spilled out a wave of demons into the soil. That ghastly red-black pillar spilled into the sky for a moment before stifling itself abruptly, guttering out with nary a whimper. Once more, a sullen silence descended upon now slightly-singed graveyard.

"Ho?" once again that rich, regal voice rose from the fading smoke. "To think you'd managed to summon someone like me. You're either brave...or suicidal."

The shadow within laughed, raised an arm and cut across it in a sharp, dismissive motion, parting the fog with almost supernatural ease.

With that, Naruto found himself face to face with Doom itself.

She was, in a word, magnificent. Long scarlet hair framed a pale face from which eyes of slitted scarlet shone; proud and arrogant, much like the smile she wore. Tall and curvaceous, clad in a flowing black bodysuit over which she'd draped a flowing red mantle and cloak bearing a lotus clasp. Her provocative attire stood in stark parallel to her intention; she had naught to hide and cared not what others thought of her. She didn't give a fig for it; for she stood as the epitome of madness. This was a Demon King. There could be no other word for it. A woman of such peerless insanity and destruction that none could ever compare to her glory...and that wasn't even mentioning the strange array of weapons she bore. That was most certainly a sword at her hip, but what was _that-_

Then the woman smiled; all thought vanished when faced with that pure, almost childish expression of complete and utter delight.

"I have arrived!" that crazed, almost familiar grin caused Naruto to twitch. "Oda Nobunaga, at your service! Nice to meet you, Mas...

Then those bright eyes beheld Altera and widened as he sentence fell unfinished.

...ter?"

Avenger blinked.

Then Saber blinked.

Even poor Naruto blinked.

...Master." Avenger's voice became a low, dangerous purr. "What is the meaning of this?"

"I should ask the same." Saber positively bristled. "Who is this woman? You have no need of her."

"Oho?!" a ghastly grin tore across the redhead's mouth. "Such fire! I think I'll take my time killing you-

_**"Knock it off!"**_

Twin red eyes rounded on him with frightful dispatch.

"Are you responsible for this, then?" Avenger reached for her blade.

Altera...well, Altera just looked _hurt._ As though she viewed this as a personal betrayal on his part.

_Ouch._

Naruto glanced right. Naruto glanced left. They'd taken up flanking positions he realized, one to either side of him Nobunaga on his left, Altera at his right, each awaiting his answer. Somehow he couldn't help but feel that he'd done something terribly, horribly wrong. That he'd blundered this, somehow. It didn't make any sense. In a Grail War-even one as convoluted as this-one Master only received a single Servant. Theoretically you could steal Servants from other Masters through torture or trickery, but that was rare, even though he'd intended the latter. Had he broken Heaven's Feel somehow? Was the Grail malfunctioning? He had no idea.

Thankfully, his mind rebooted and he found his tongue again.

...what the actual hell?"

His words seemed to reactivate them, because Avenger promptly flicked him the forehead.

"Speak up, then! What sorcery is this? How did you summon both of us?!"

"Aren't you receiving energy from me?" he snapped as he began massaging his head to save off the beginnings of a growing migraine. "That should be proof enough."

"I feel no such thing." Nobunaga put in flatly.

...nor I, now that you mention it." Altera frowned.

Naruto could've slapped himself. Shit. The Homonculus System. Avenger and Saber were actively pulling mana from _them_ at the moment, not him. He wanted to throttle Gordes. The man did good work, but right now it was genuinely inconveniencing him. That was going to be a right bitch to explain and he very much doubted either would believe him in any case. Time to switch tactics, then.

"Look, I really only meant to summon one of you." he began slowly, choosing his words with care as he raised his hands. "There's a reason for that, just as there's an explanation for this, so can we just put the swords away and talk about-

**_"No, we cannot!/Give us an answer!"_**

Their shout drowned him out louder than any storm.

They were mere moments from coming to blows if he didn't do something, he just knew it. Yet try as he might, he hadn't been able to think of another way to stop them beyond raising his voice back there. Could he stop them if it came to a fight? Would a Command Spell even work on them? He hadn't been prepared for this, and it was only his stubborn determination that kept him from faltering. Command Spell it was then. He could at least waste one. He raised his marked hand, brandishing a single glowing spiral.

"Fine. By the power of my Command Spell, I order you...!"

Nobu turned thunderous. "Don't you _dare!"_

Altera jerked back. "Master?!"

_...no fighting each other!"_

His command lashed at Avenger and Saber like a whip, binding their bodies with scarlet sparks. Both bent double with a gasp, crimson eyes wide with disbelief. Naruto didn't lower his arm, fully prepared to cast another if one-or both!-decided to turn on him. He half-expected one would; his shoulders tense at the thought. If it came down to it, he'd just have to run. Squaring off against one Servant might be interesting, but two was more than he was willing to handle, least of all if he was fighting a Saber. He couldn't die here. He wanted his wish. So he gathered his legs beneath him as the spell faded, prepared to bolt at the slightest provocation.

Remarkably, it never came.

Avenger straightened first, her back arching with a small scowl.

Altera followed a heartbeat later, leaning against her sorcerous sword for support, but it was the former who spoke first.

"So. It _is _you, then." the words were torn somewhere between a laugh and a sigh. "Only my Master could bind me with a Command Spell!" those keen red eyes regarded him anew, blazing like wild rubies. "If you did not summon me, my body would not have reacted thus! Therefore!"

Quick as a flash, she bolted to Naruto's side.

He tensed at once, but found himself wholly unprepared when she decided to glomm onto his right arm instead.

"Now...what is the saying these days?" she tilted her head, blissfully unaware of her contractor's supreme discomfort. "Aha! Yes! Dibs! I call dibs! No takebacks!"

_"Hey!"_

"Yet his command affected me as well." Altera put in primly as she finally found her footing well behind them. "Cease your drivel and release him, impostor. _I_ am his Servant."

The Demon King only held tighter to him. _"No, it is I!"_

Altera stormed over and seized his opposite arm. "I refuse to accept that!"

"Then I shall deny your denial." Nobunaga preened, still clinging on. "First come, first serve, Saber-san!"

"I _was_ first!" the white Saber was almost incredulous with fury. "I will not be usurped by you...you...you_ interloper!"_

"Interloper, am I?!" Avenger reared back like a struck snake, a familiar glint in her eye, "Well at least _I'm _wearing proper clothes!"

"That's not proper at all!"

"Says the Hun!"

_'I'm going to be here all night, aren't I?'_ Naruto groaned inwardly as their bickering rapidly dissolved into petty insults._ 'Such misfortune..._

Indeed, their bickering would last long into the twilight, yet he couldn't help but sigh as he allowed himself to be tugged back and forth full in the teeth of their petty squabble. He even smiled a touch. Just a bit. Was it wrong that a small part of him enjoyed this? Not the fighting mind you, but the fact hat he didn't feel alone anymore. That he finally had a goal again?

Yes?

No?

Maybe so?

Perhaps that was somewhat twisted of him, but he intended to savor this feeling as long as he could. Because it couldn't last forever. In his experience, nothing good ever did. As much he silently resolved to enjoy it while he yet could. Already he'd taken the first step, moved his first piece on an intricate bordered that spanned the whole of Trifas and beyond. Now came the next move, and the countermove, followed by the counter to that counter and so. And somehow, in the midst of all this, he'd broken the Grail enough to gain two powerful Servants.

He had a war to win.

His lips quirked in a wry grin.

"Now, then...let the games begin."

**A/N:...Nobu is always Nobu.**

**HA! Did it! And they said I wouldn't!**

**Just suspend your disbelief and laugh for a moment!**

**TWO SERVANTS for Naruto. Haven't done that in the Unlikely Series yet.**

**Moreover, its Nobu! Avenger Nobu at that! In her final form at that! Duck and cover because everything's on fire!**

**Just imagine if everyone managed to summon a second Servant for themselves. Dear god, the chaos that would cause would be...insane.**

**A stunt like this could only be pulled off by the Black Faction; with the homunculus system in place, they don't waste any mana. They feel no strain. None. At all. Their Servants receive Mana through the aforementioned system, courtesy of Gordes, and as such they're absurdly powerful. Why haven't we seen someone abuse this system yet? Because its bloody well being abused now! Good luck, Shirou! Even with Semiramis, you're going to need it! Why? Just this once!**

**BECAUSE. ANYONE. CAN. BE. SUMMONED.**

_**Bloody Tiamat could appear as a classless Servant, even!**_

**So cast your votes, me hearties! Cry havoc and little slip the dogs of war!**

**This Naruto isn't quite as broken as Faker!Naruto, but he just wants a reset. He had no friends in this route, only tireless, relentless duty. He wants his childhood back. Who doesn't really? I'm sure a good number of us remember our younger days fondly. Mine...weren't quite so pleasant, but we're not here for me now, are we?"**

**Unlike Faker, he's quite mortal. If you cut off his head, he'll die. If you stab him in the heart, he'll die. If you hurt him enough to the point where his regeneration cannot compensate...then, he, will. Die.**

**There. Before her debut in A Most Unlikely Rider, Altera gets a chance to shine in A Most Unlikely Gunner.**

**NO MORE NEW APOCRYPHA STORIES! Don't tempt a man You'll get updates for all that I've published, so I swear, but I feel like I've gone and covered every variable for Naruto here. Saver and Moon Cancer are going to be somewhere else of course.**

**So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Review...Would You Kindly?**

**Aaand enjoy the madness!**

**Including previews!**

**They're...intense.**

**(Previews!)**

_"Stupid! Useless! Familiar!"_

_Naruto's hand closed around Celenike's wrist and jerked her back. "That's enough!__"_

_"Why?! This is my Servant! I'll do with them as I please-_

_His hand cracked across her face in a vicious smack. She recoiled, clutching at her cheek with a yelp._

_"The next time you lay hands on them, will the the last time you have hands."_

_"I'm telling Darnic!"_

_His lip curled cruelly. "Go ahead. Cry to daddy."_

_Okita watched her race away._

_...thank you."_

_Naruto fidgeted._

_"Its nothing. I hate her anyway, so..._

* * *

_Tesla bowed._

_"I am indeed Archer. A pleasure to meet you."_

* * *

_Assassin of Black tilted her head, blue eyes swimming with tears._

_"I knew it. Its you, isn't it?"_

_Naruto choked._

* * *

_"Uncle...?"_

_Naruto looked up._

_Up. Further up. More still._

_"Caules. You summoned...that?"_

_King Protea waved happily, knees tucked into her chest. "Hello~!"_

* * *

_...I'm just going to talk to Darnic."_

_Okita tilted her head, considering. "Why would you...?"_

_He stormed past her, crackling his knuckles with vicious intent._

_"Repeatedly." a muscle jumped in Naruto's jaw, blue eyes blazing. "With my fists."_

_"Master, no!" Okita soon found herself dragged after him, heedless of her grip on his arm. "Its nothing! Calm down! Nobu! Help me!"_

_Nobunaga tilted her head. "Why? Let him die, I say. He never lets me have any fun."_

_"NOBU!"_

* * *

_"An empty girl serving an empty man. How amusing."_

**R&R~!**


	2. A Most Unlikely Betrayal

**A/N: *EDIT***

**Added more content for you guys.**

***EDIT*EDIT***

**Can the flames please stop? They're making me upset.**

**Look at the reviews if you don't believe me. So. Many. Trolls.**

**What did I do to deserve this? I just wanted to make people happy. and yet...**

***EDIT*EDIT*EDIT***

**Well. Everyone was warned.**

**I asked the trolls and the flames and the threats to stop.**

**I begged. I cried. I pleaded. So as of this...this is getting no support. At all.**

**Nearly no reviews save*DELETED* flames. After I slaved away on this. That hurts. Really. Hurts T_T**

**As ever, I own no references, quotes, or relations to respective media. That is all I have to say on the matter.**

**I'm not sure if I said this before, but this Naruto has the potential to become a Villain. He will literally kick your shit in if you get in his way. Granted, he'll try talking to you first, try persuading you at the very least. But if you still decide to go against him? You're done.**

**I feel I should also clarify that this Naruto, like Watcher, HAS seen other worlds from afar. He just doesn't give a damn about them.**

**If the title wasn't enough of a hint, someone makes the mistake of doing just that; crossing him in this chapter.**

**Now we get our first death(s?) in this story. Because I don't like being predictable. No one is safe. No one has plot armor. No one. I'll make that clear from the get go. Furthermore, I feel that I ought to clarify that "this" Apocrypha war is going to have something that radically sets it apart from others. I won't say what, though its rather obvious. I'll leave it for you to read and decide.**

_**As ever, this will be gone in two days if folks don't like it.**_

**So by all means, let me know. Or don't. You do you.**

**I'm used to being ignored these days. **

**T_T**

_"HOW CAN YOU STAND YOURSELF?! DO YOU NOT FEEL REMORSE?!"_

_...lady, I don't feel anything."_

_"MONSTER!"_

_"No. I'm Gunner. Don't compare me to Beast. Not that...**thing.** There's a stark difference between he and I. Me? I don't make people suffer. I don't draw out their pain. I don't CORRUPT THEM and add them to my army. I don't even have an army! I kill my enemies quickly. Painlessly. My victims don't have time to feel anything; because they're already dead by the time they realize that. I do not love them. Nor do I hate them. I just, quite simply...remove them from the equation. I show no restraint. I do not allow them to the time to even feel so much as a glimmer of despair. Is that not kindness? Is that not mercy?"_

_"Naruto...that's not mercy at all, that's something worse. Can't you see that?"_

_...enough. __I won't debate this with you anymore." _

_~A Future Scene._

**A Most Unlikely Betrayal**

_"Mine."_

"No, he's mine!"

"Ho? How bold of you!"

"Bold?! I'll carve that word into your-

A long suffering sigh fled from Naruto's-Gunner's!-mouth for what felt like the umpteenth time as he trod relentlessly forward into the night. All the while the Yggdmillennia castle loomed steadily larger in the distance, a dark and silent bastion of silence and misery. His stride was only marginally slowed by the weight against his arms; even then he refused to slow down. While he confessed a certain excitement for events to come, and on some level he was made more than happy with this sudden excess of attention, he was just as much chagrined by it all.

With a cheeky Nobunaga on his right arm and an irritated Altera on the left, he could barely hear himself think much less make any real progress back to the castle.

At first he hadn't wanted to intervene at all; he'd thought it best that they work out their issues on their own, that interference on his part here wouldn't do anyone any good. He had to let the two of them settle their differences sooner or later. They couldn't kill each other. His Command Spells prevented that. However, it didn't prevent them from sniping at one another verbally. Unless he wanted to waste another Spell, they were going to keep this up all night. That had been nearly an hour ago. An

Something snapped!

_**"THAT! IS! ENOUGH!"**_ At his wits end, Naruto warped/wrapped his voice around those words and threw the full weight of his killing intent behind each syllable, blue eyes burning black in a particularly nasty genjutsu as he spoke. On the surface it was little more than a minor illusion. It worked. Sure enough, Saber and Avenger each jolted as if he'd struck them. He maintained the deception a moment longer to make certain he had their attention before he finally released it and allowed them to see what he'd done.

"While my heart _appreciates _your devotion," he ground the words out, "My ears do not. If you have to argue, don't leave me in the middle."

Finally progress was made and he just hoped that all this madness would finally level out.

It was not to be.

His first realization that something had gone amiss came when he neared the main gate. With a shared glance, Avenger and Saber ceased their argument and vanished into their astral forms before they could be seen. It was well that they did; because he could feel the killing intent from here. It pressed down on him like a miasma, fuzzing the corners of his thoughts. Little more than an annoyance, really, but bothersome all the same. He wasn't at all surprised to find the source.

In addition to the traditional homonculus guard, Naruto found Darnic waiting for him.

The head of the Yggdmillennia family didn't look happy.

As he drew closer he could clearly see the clan head's face was drawn with fury-so much so that he actually met him halfway.

"What have you done?"

In the face of such an accusation, Naruto's first instinct was to deny, deny, deny. Then he remembered that he didn't much care about this sycophantic little leech. He'd served his purpose. If he tried to turn on him now, it would be...unfortunate, bu the was prepared for such an instance.

So he told him.

"I conducted my summoning, " he said in a rare show of restraint. "Privately."

Darnic refrained from shouting as well, though his face did turn a fascinating shade of puce.

"I know." he ground the words out through clenched teeth. "The pulse from yours through off ours. You idiot! Years of planning, decades or preparations, ruined in an instant! Because of your impatience!" Just like that the rage slipped the leash and he struck him full in the face with his cane. Naruto, felt, rather than saw his head recoil from the blow. So Darnic struck him again with a harsh crack of wood against flesh. And he took it with so much as a sigh. "I don't know what you did or who you summoned, but whatever it was, it skewed our catalysts. We weren't able to pull the Servants we sought. All because of you!"

He struck again.

Naruto caught the cane.

"Where is your Servant?" Darnic demanded.

"Why?" Naruto planted his feet and set his jaw.

"You're unworthy of them." the older magus sniffed. "I shall strip you of those command spells this very instant and exile you from the clan."

Ah. Checkmate at last. How sweet it felt to hear those words.

_To have the excuse._

A small smile dimpled upon his whiskered cheeks as they began to heal. "Ladies?"

Nobunaga must've been waiting for that smirk; because she appeared in first. Altera was only half a heartbeat behind.

"Two Servants?! Not you, too...!

Darnic's pride shattered. Naruto saw it in his eyes, but made no move to pursue him when he stumbled back.

"You know," he mused aloud, "This presents an opportunity. I could kill you. No one would ever know. Would they care, I wonder? Would they even notice?"

"You wouldn't dare."

"Wouldn't I?" His gaze flicked to the homonculus guards. "Leave us."

Darnic sputtered. "No! Stay! I am in control here!"

Naruto laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Do you feel in control?"

Darnic turned ashen. "I paid you a fortune!"

Naruto frowned. "And this gives you power over me? Your wealth was useful. _Was."_

Darnic never had time to retaliate, never summoned his Servant in time. Quick as a flash Nobunaga drew her blade and struck him. It was a good cut. Simple and clean, simultaneously severing and cauterizing his arm just above the elbow. Darnic squealed like a struck pig as the limb tumbled away end over before being caught by the Servant in question. Altera...just looked ashen. Ah. Naruto restrained a grimace, never once letting go of his prey even as the mage squirmed in his grasp. He'd forgotten Saber's dislike of needless violence; she'd likely dislike what he was about to do even more.

Like a shark, he slowly rounded on the stunned mage.

His grip on the man's face and throat intensified a hundredfold.

"I'm sorry it had to be this way, my friend." he addressed Darnic with a faux smile. "I would've worked with you. But now? No one will miss you. No one will mourn you. I'll try to make it quick."

Darnic spat in his face. "You rotten, evil little bastard! I took you in! I gave you shelter! I _protected _you!"

"And you turned on me the moment I went against your whims. I am necessary evil."

"No nononono please-

Strong hands wrenched and he knew no more.

"Well, that's done." Nartuo hummed, releasing the broken body, allowing it to fall to earth. Turning his head, he unleashed a fast-burning fire jutsu that quickly rendered the man little more than ashes on the ground. He summoned a strong breeze and those ashes blew away in a mighty gale, leaving no trace of the once mighty magus beyond his right arm. He considered burning that too, on principle if nothing else. Just to make certain that Darnic's servant didn't contract with anyone else. Considered it, then discarded the notion.

After all, the Servant was here with them.

They had been watching them.

For quite some time now.

"You can come out now, Lancer!"

A faint shimmer in the air heralded their arrival as they materialized; but not properly. There was the faintest stumble to their step, a painfully blue glow flickering at the edge of their features. Nobunaga stepped between the two of them, but he waved her aside with a frown. He'd never seen Darnic's Servant before. He'd always kept them out of sight, away from the others. Perhaps he thought he was being clever. Perhaps he wanted it to be a surprise. Perhaps he was just being an asshole about it, as he was in all things.

Even so, Naruto wasn't whole prepared when _she _appeared.

Clad in little more than a white robe with a cloaked hood, the stranger gazed placidly back at him. Dark red eyes gaze back at him set in a gentle face framed by dark hair. A golden shield hung against her left arm, while a spear of white, luminescent light burned in the other. And that was if one ignored the strange searing crest at her back. This wasn't an angel. It could never be an angel. This was...

"You killed Darnic." It wasn't a question, really. Just a simple statement.

"I did." his head bobbed in agreement. "I'm sorry that it came to that, but I did kill him."

"Why did you wait, then?" Nobunga tapped her chin. "If you were that close, you could have saved him."

Cold ruby eyes regarded the corpse with little remorse. "We had no love for him. His goals did not align with ours."

The trio exchanged a glance.

_We? _

_Ours?_

Naruto was still looking at the duo when Lancer swayed on her feet like a drunkard at last call. Instinct spurred him forward but she waved them away. Steadying herself against the wall, her spiritual body continued to fall apart, slowly crumbling away like so much blue dust without mana to sustain it. He would've been content-not really-to leave things there. And then they-she!-looked at him.

"Will you be our Master, then?"

Altera sucked in a sharp and startled breath.

Nobunaga went positively rigid by sheer comparison.

Utterly unaware of their impending wrath, Naruto actually considered the inquiry. And why not? More troops was always a good thing. They still had Darnic's arm and the Command Spells there; though the latter were all but beginning to fade with Lancer's impending demise.

"Well, I have the reserves for it," he said, "But why should I? How do I know you won't just turn on me the moment I let my guard down."

Lancer regarded him stoically for a long moment.

"Because we don't want to die."

Then, much to his consternation, they knelt; laying spear and shield alike at his feet. Worse still, they actually pressed their forehead into the dirt and bowed to him. Seeing such a thing made Naruto distinctly uneasy but her words rooted him all the same, stirred a tiny seed of compassion in his heart. Was he actually feeling bad for her? This Servant he'd never met? He shouldn't be, but...

"We swear, that we will serve you in all things." the blackette swore, her voice muffled into the earth. "We will be your spear. We will be your shield. So we swear."

Naruto felt the beginnings of a frown pluck at his face.

Truth be told it wasn't the notion of taking on a third servant that bothered him; he had chakra for days. No, it was the the glare boring into his back that worried him all the more. With a reluctant turn, he faced them. In the confusion, he'd neglected Altera and Nobunaga's feelings on the matter. The latter looked fit to slug him for his temerity.

"You've got some nerve, considering this." Nobungag's words were a silken, menacing purr.

"What?! I didn't even say or do anything yet!" he cried out.

"You were about to, Master!" Altera shot right back.

_"Semantics!_ I can't just leave her like this!"

"Yes, you can!" Nobunaga bulled back to the front and shoved her forehead against his. "You don't owe her anything!"

Exasperated, he flung up his hands and turned back to Lancer. "What's your name?

Red eyes offered a blank blink. "We are...Valkyrie."

As one, the party froze.

Naruto whistled.

"Really? Looks like we got lucky, then." at their baffled look, he hastened to elaborate. "If you had a Master like Darnic backing you, providing you with a near endless supply of mana, it wouldn't have ended well for any of us. Its a good thing you weren't loyal to him; if you were...well. We wouldn't be having this conversation. Its a good thing he made so many enemies. Now, I doubt some in his clan will _care _for his death, but just as many might celebrate it. We shouldn't expect much in the way of resistance, then."

_That_ got Nobunaga's attention.

Leave it to the conqueror in her to notice.

"We're taking control of this place by force, are we?"

"Would you have it any other way?" Naruto snorted quietly as he took Darnic's ruined arm from her. For most, it would be...difficult to pry the Command Spells from a lifeless hand. For one such as him? For a man out of time? It was as easy as breathing. He reached down with his mind and bound them to his arm, felt the crimson ink writhe and twist across his flesh. Then he turned his attention to Lancer, still prone on the ground, body still flickering like a candle in the wind. For a moment-a short one-he considered just letting her die. Surely it wouldn't be that bad. But...no. He didn't have it in him to be that cruel, to give someone hope, then snatch it away.

"Will you serve?"

Valkyrie bowed deeper.

"I am yours to command, Master."

Something snapped into place in the back of his mind, and he felt a faint tugging sensation. In the same instant her body lost that eerie ethereal glow and became solid once more. Odd. Shouldn't that have been...worse? Even for someone like him, supporting three Servants was nothing to scoff at. So why did he barely feel anything? Their contract was still there, but he scarcely felt the drain at all. How odd. Distantly, he was aware of his new Servant rising to their feet, of the small smile she gave him, but the matter continued to nag at him. What was he missing here?

He was still considering it when Altera finally voice her discontent.

"I...this isn't right." All eyes turned to her. "You're usurping everything for no good reason save that you _want_ to."

"For the good of all, yes." Nobunaga retorted with a smirk. "What a young, naive Servant you are."

Lancer even unbent enough to frown. "This is the best path. Why does it anger you so?"

Tan fists clenched at her sides. "Because its not right!"

Avenger sneered. "Isn't it?"

"Why you...?!"

She still looked fit to stab them for that.

"Whoa! Wait! Stop! We're not your enemy, Altera." Naruto thrust himself between the three of them, a thread of caution-of concern!-wove its way into his voice as she began to reach for her blade. "None of us are. I'd like to avoid hurting others if I can, but this is war. Sacrifices have to be made. Are you really going to attack me for following my beliefs?"

Her glower only intensified. "How can I trust you?"

"Oh, for the love of-STOP!"

When her blade came flying at him, Naruto didn't deign to dodge; he simply caught it. Firm fingers gripped her sword as his palm wrapped around that brilliant rainbowesque edge, uncaring for the pain it caused him, nor how it bit into his hand. Holy hell that hurt! It was like grasping a sun that burned just as much as it cut! Part of him longed to use a Command Spell, to simply silence her, but he knew that doing so now would irrevocably damage their relationship beyond any hope of repair.

Holding fast to her sword, the whiskered warrior fixed her with what he hoped what a sincere smile.

"Listen to me!" when she tried to rip her blade free, he only held fast. "I'm on your side, Altera! I'm not going to betray you. I'm not going to hurt you! I want you believe that."

_"Well said!" _a new voice chimed. "Just as I would expect from my Praetor! Lower your sword, Altera! Or I shall make you!"

Oh, what fresh hell was this now?!

With his full attention devoted to Altera and his other Servants standing by, Naruto never saw the newcomer until they were nearly on top of him. Never heard them until they raised their voice. Out of the corner of his eye he glimpsed a flash of resplendent rend and a pair of gilded golden boots, little more. And then they were past him-attacking the very blade he was holding-swatting it down with the back of their hand as though it were no more than a mere stick. Bright eyes like poisonous green emeralds danced with mirth, her golden hair bound in loose braid over her shoulder. She looked almost familiar. And yet...

But Saber jerked back as if she'd been stung.

"Nero...?" the word was a pained whisper. "No. No, that can't be...

"Umu~!" the newcomer chirruped happily, spreading her arms even as her fellow Saber backpedaled. "Indeed, it is I! You've grown since I saw you last. Now put that weapon away at once, young lady!"

Nobunaga planted a hand over her mouth.

Valkyrie was only a heartbeat behind.

"Young...lady?"

Altera's legs trembled traitorously. "You...you can't be here...

"Can I not? I chose to be a Caster this time around, rules be damned." that mad, infectious grin greeted her once more as she flicked a strand of golden hair behind her ear. "After all, even if were summoned as Saber and that fat fool called both a certain kitsune and myself as Caster, it was only right that we have our glorious reunion, no?"

Altera went rigid.

"Tamamo's...here too?"

Nero dared to edge closer. "Of course she is~!"

Closer still. Another step now. Nearly within arms reach.

"This...this is a trick!" she looked ready to bolt at the slightest touch. "You're lying!"

Nero tilted her head like an indulgent parent might. "Did you really think we would leave you alone?"

Before the tan Saber could offer another word of protest, Naruto watched Caster step forward to embrace her fuly.

And all the fight drained out of Altera like a broken sieve. As such, everyone was wholly unprepared when the stoic Saber burst into tears.

Naruto...wasn't quite sure how to react to this. Or if he even should. Better to just let them hug it out. He was more than content to wait; after all, for a man who had all the time in the world, what was a few minutes? Or ten, even? He understood Altera's fear of having her wish stolen from her; after all, the Grail could only grant one. But still, something about what Nero had said earlier...bothered him, As he slowly rubbed at his wounded hand, a thought occurred to him.

"Nero, right?" at her nod, he bulled on. "Where did you say your master was?"

"Oh!" Quick as a flash, the blond disengaged with Altera. "You mean the fat one?"

Gordes, he realized with a snort. She must be talking about Gordes. No one else fit the description.

"We didn't like him." she put in primly. "He was too rude, too loud, too...not beautiful. So we tied him up and threw him in a closet as soon as he summoned us."

Nobunaga toppled backward with a delighted cackle. "Glorious!"

Altera giggled into her hand.

She.

Actually.

_ GIGGLED._

"It really is you." she sighed, laying her head on the blond's shoulder. "Only you and Tamamo would do that."

"Of course!"

Naruto planted a hand over his mouth, to no avail. He could've sworn he heard Valkyrie snicker in that moment, but he daren't take his eyes off of Caster. As funny as it might be to imagine someone of Gordes...stature, being hogtied and thrust into a broom closet, he had to confirm the situation. He wasn't laughing right now. No. Certainly not!

"Do you mean...Gordes?"

"Aha!" she pointed at him with a sharp cry. "That's the name! He was driving us crazy!"

Wait. Something the way she kept saying us-rather, the way that she said it-turned his blood cold. Now, Naruto was no fool. A tiny inkling of a suspicion had been nagging at him for some time now, from the moment he'd heard Darnic's exclamation. And the way Nero continued to say "us" so liberally, without a care in the world...

"Just to be clear," he croaked, "How many Servants did he summon?"

She blinked. "Why, myself and that blasted fox, of course."

"And the others...?"

"Umu~!" His fellow blond gave a happy chirrup, heedless of his mounting horror. "They did indeed! The girl in the wheelchair had three attending her, last I saw! Quite unusual I know, even in such a war as this! The Grail must have lessened the strain somehow. That's the only explanation that makes any real sense...are you alright, Praetor?"

Naruto stumbled backwards, his face ashen.

No.

Multiple Servants.

No, no.

Because of what he'd done.

No, no, no.

He'd thought himself to have an advantage in the war to come; an upper hand on the others. Instead, he had inadvertently set off a chain reaction that had altered the very face of the war itself. No. But that would mean nearly everyone in this war, every participating master, would have at least two Servants. If not more. He couldn't even imagine what must've transpired over in the Red Faction's territory. If everyone possessed multiple Servants, then things were going to get...messy.

Oh, gods.

What had he done?

"That leaves Roche, Caules, Fiore, and Celenike to subdue." Valkyrie was saying as Naruto reluctantly came back to himself, and he realized to his horror that they were actually making a plan without him. "We'll have our work cut out for us. The last one might be trouble certainly, if the class system's been thrown out of the window. If no one has any objections...?"

She cast a meaningful glance at Altera, but Saber simply shook her head.

Nobunaga grinned. "If they give us trouble then we'll just grind them into the ground. No sense in wasting good soldiers."

"Indeed!" Nero beamed.

And then in a swirl of scarlet silk-was that a bathing suit under that dress?!-she spun to face him and Naruto had no more time for thought as she jabbed that finger of hers into his chest.

"You." the word was a purr. "You didn't react when I called you praetor, Naruto. Why is that?"

He hadn't given her his name and a small pang pricked at his heart.

"Whomever you're thinking of, I'm not him." he warned.

Nero looked like she might contest that for a moment, but seemed to think better of it in the face of his anger. Still, he didn't miss that keen flash of longing in her eyes. Whomever this "other" was, he must resemble him very strongly for her to look at him like that. Damn multiverse. How did the others make any sense of it? At last, however, she relented and withdrew her finger.

"Yes," she sighed, "I suppose you're right. Still, you look so much like him! Even your clothes! I had almost hoped...well...

She shook her head.

"No, that doesn't change anything. "she murmured. "I still want to keep you."

Naruto nearly choked on his own spit.

"Keep?" Nobunaga growled, stepping forward. "Watch your words."

That mad empress met her gaze stoically, in spite of the towering difference between them; which was just as well because the redhead looked all of an instant from turning her to ash on the spot. Had not a pair of golden cannons manifested at Nero's back, Naruto suspected she would've done just that, consequences be damned.

"Tch." Nero groused as she took her thumb between her teeth in mild admonishment. "First that sneaky witch, then Altera, and now you. Have I no end of rivals in this war?"

The maiden in white sputtered.

"W-What?! No, that's not it! He isn't...we're not...!

Rather than elaborate, Nero turned back to the castle with a smirk.

"Come, Praetor." she beckoned. "Your domain awaits. You have but to claim it."

With that said, she flashed him a saucy wink and strode through the open gate as though it had always belonged to her. And if there was a suggested tilt to her hips that hadn't been there before-or an enticing sway of her bosom-no one dared to remark on it. Certainly not with Nobunaga half a step behind and didn't she just strut after her. Aha. So that was how it was going to be. He'd been doomed from the start, then. Naruto swore softly at their little competition, a rueful smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"Troublesome girls." he muttered.

But he walked right into hell behind them anyway.

**A/N: Nero is Nero. Such a treat to write, that one. She always steals the show when she shows up.**

**Quick clarification, this is the Younger!Altera from Fate Stay Link, but all grown up.**

**Hence the trust issues. She's a bit...skittish at times.**

**I own no references or quotes~!**

** I DID say someone would die.**

**I never said who.**

**Now, just like Shirou, Naruto usurped the Black Faction for himself.**

**Behold Valkyrie in all their glory! Behold the UMU as well!**

**I'm not sure if I said this before, but this Naruto has a high chance of becoming a Villain. As in THE VILLAIN. The big bad I've been hinting at, one that makes Beast's little rampage look childish by comparison. He will literally kick your shit in if you get in his way. Granted, he'll try talking to you first, try persuading you at the very least. But if you still decide to go against him? **

**DEAD.**

**Of course, he can still be redeemed. But will he?**

**I hope you were paying attention to the Servant hints that Nero dropped~!**

**And multiple Servants for all.**

**The wonderful story known as Nerve Damage by CrossyCross did this FAR better than me, but I'm following in their footsteps, albeit in a crazy way. Gods, I hope that story returns someday. Its been such a long time and it ended so abruptly...**

**Reviews are love. Reviews are life. Reviews keep me alive.**

**Despite the flamers and trolls trying to keep me dead.**

**So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Review...Would You Kindly?**

**Aaand enjoy the madness!**

**Including previews!**

**They're...intense.**

**(Previews!)**

_"I'm in charge now. If you don't like it, you can leave."_

_"Oh. Well, that's actually quite reasonable-_

_"But your Servants stay. With me."_

* * *

_"Well. That's one Servant down."_

_"How did they die?"_

_...I don't know."_

* * *

_Nobunaga shot out the door like an arrow loosed from a bow._

_"Okita!"_

* * *

_"Ooh, look at that. Its roomy in here, and so much potential...you'll make a fine host!"_

_Naruto grit his teeth as a fresh spark of agony snarled throughout his skull. "...of...my...head."_

_"I beg your pardon?" his tormentor only laughed in the darkest corner of his mind. "What did you just say to me?"_

_Blue eyes snapped up and his possessor recoiled with a startled squawk as a hand found what passed as its throat. **"I SAID GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"**_

_"Idiot!" It squawked. "Never! Do you have any idea how long I spent looking for a body like yours?! How long I've been waiting for this chance?! I won't let it slip by! I'd rather die!"_

**_"Then die."_**

_And the world went red._

**R&R~!**


End file.
